Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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