I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Randomize