We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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