...so i touched it.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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