No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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