yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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