um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
