I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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