O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
