I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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