I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
