Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize