I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Randomize
