just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
