Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
