If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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