Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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