i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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