from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
