ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I need water and some morals
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
