It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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