so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
