I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
