I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
How naked do you want me to be?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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