Heybabeimwearingurpanties
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
