forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
