do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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