in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
