he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
