The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
