I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize