she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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