the new term for farting is butt boxing.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
