Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
