I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
