I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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