I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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