he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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