I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
