he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
