i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
