someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
