This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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