im about as happy as oj after his trial
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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