I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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