So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Then you guys just all showered together...?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
