I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
