Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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