For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
