I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
