Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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