Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize
