Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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