so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
