Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I puked a lego.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
