Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
