I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
