I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize