On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
