i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I cockslap morals
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
