During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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