dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
