Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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