so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize