I just made out with a guy for $7.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
