I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
