I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Enjoy the penises
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize