you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Randomize
