Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
