you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
