A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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