paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
