Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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