Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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