Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize