i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
