It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
