Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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