when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
we're so committed to being not committed
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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