You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
