I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
