GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
