how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
