just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
