Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
