I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
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