there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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