Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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