After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
