How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
