so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
