If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
