You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
