His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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