wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
