These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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