tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
love makes seman taste better
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
