so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
