Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
